Before The Beginning.

As we continue this journey of growth, let me ask you a question to keep in mind while we hop down the rabbit hole again. Where were you 8 days before your conception? I know what most will say, “I was swimming around in my dad’s genitals, waiting for the starting gates to open”.  As humorous as that answer is, it’s a sad realization that most people don’t understand or have the desire to truly explore different ways on how our universe manifested itself and our consciousness.

When I was growing up, we never associated with any religion or true belief on who to worship or pray too.  My parents and grandparents, on my mom’s side, believed we should be able to experiment and to find ourselves and our own beliefs. When I was in the earlier stages of my life, maybe elementary school, I decided that I wanted to go with my grandparents, on my dad’s side, who were through and through Baptists, to Sunday school. As I sat there and listened to the other kids and teachers, I noticed that I wasn’t able to get into the principle of a man in the sky watching over everyone, probably because of my trust issues with finding out Santa wasn’t real. Even in my adolescent years, I believed there was a higher power, but not in the way a religion did. Junior High was when I really started to believe in ‘Karma’. In Buddhism the definition of karma goes as follows: The sum of a person’s actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences. 

As I kept growing and experiencing life, I started noticing patterns and frequencies that would happen when I’d do things that I had no expectation of any repayment for, as always though, you must have the bad with the good. I did some not so good things when I was in Texas over the years, that cost someone a lot of money. It took from 2013-2018 for universe to conjure up the perfect karma for those actions. On July 17th, 2018 my life changed forever. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, but thankfully it was benign and slow growing, (which I think is no coincidence given the time frame). When my doctor told me news, that was the first time and the last time I cried about it. I didn’t cry out of sadness, I cried because I knew this was a consequence of my own actions that I could’ve controlled. Maybe it was the shock, but I felt at ease when she told me. My gut was telling me everything was going to be okay and I trusted that. 

Before I found out about the tumor, I was already deep into exploring the spiritual side of the world and investigating how the universe was created, along with our consciousness. As I started exploring Taoism and Buddhism, they spoke about living with ease and letting go of the past and not living in the future. I started living in the moment experiening the actual world around me, disconnected from any past or future concerns, connected with my soul and found my true self again. The activities that I enjoyed started to resurface, all I had to do was to take the time and listening to my body. When I did the things I enjoyed, I felt my whole self getting tingling and full of excitement. When I did something that wasn’t truly making my soul energized, I felt a lump in my throat. 

Before surgery I continued to do the things that made my soul happy like running. Instead of running in the city, I ran outside in nature and with our dog CD. I did everything in my power to control what I could control before surgery. I ate super clean, exercised daily to get my mind and body in top condition, all to make my surgeons job as easy as possible. All my hard work paid had off, the surgery went amazing. The only unexpected obstacle they ran into was the tumor was actually a little bigger and had more vessels attached to it than expected. This caused them to have to cut my skull open a little larger, which in turn caused the surgery, that had an expected time of 5 hours, to last 7 hours. After it was done, I was in the hospital for only 3 days. If I didn’t fully believe in the power of positive thoughts, connecting to your true self and loving you for you, I did now.

I’m residing in the large pool of individuals that still have a magnitude of questions about life. How did we become what we are today? I knew science had proven that the earth had existed for billions of years before us, so how was this rock created? One day, I came upon a Netflix the documentary, One Strange Rocknarrated by Will Smith. This day I became more invested in quantum physics and how it’s possible that we’re made out of star dust! Let me that rabbit hole in a later post. 

Think about the fact that everything on earth, once back tracking to its true form, has the same core make up. An example would be a chair. Think about what it was before its formation into a chair. It was a piece of cut wood, then before that it was a tree, the tree came from a seed, so on and so forth. When we zoom in as far as science has discovered, down to the protons and neutrons inside of the atoms that everything is derived from, these neutrons and protons are also constantly moving by an invisible force. What’s that invisible force? Down below is a link to a very mind challenging article about some theories. In short, everything in this universe is made of matter, which are made up of atoms. We’re all made of the same thing constantly in motion.

“We’re all made out of star dust.”

Will Smith, “One strange rock”

Those words opened my mind to a whole different level of thinking that was beyond my previous comprehension. This documentary made it so simple to get a grasp the idea of how our rock was created. Our planet is a collection of all different varieties of rocks and debris from other stars exploding around the galaxy and universe. These rocks started crashing into each other and over billions of years all those rocks start building into a larger formation, one example is our planet. By the gravitation pull of the sun, our rock started to orbit. Maybe those explosions of different stars in different galaxies had other species of life inhabiting them. Since our bodies and everything else in the universe consists of tiny atoms, who says these tiny particles didn’t embed themselves into these rocks and debris? They have to go somewhere right? Maybe they’re crashing together to start a whole new strange rock. 

So, where were you 8 days before your conception?

6 thoughts on “Before The Beginning.

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